I thought I should write a short post to follow up my mention of clinic yesterday. Nothing changed, but I'm satisfied. I got the main doc, the best in my opinion, at my clinic and she knew exactly what to do with me. I got the authority I wanted.
Basically, I'm getting yet another 2 weeks of orals (honestly probably just to give me time to mentally prepare) and then if nothing changes AGAIN, I'm getting IV's 100%. I told her my fears of a resultless admission and she told me to stop worrying 5 steps ahead and focus on maybe 1 step ahead. Clearly I know my issues so I'm going to take this opportunity to partake in a 2 week exercise bonanza. Hey, if it works, I pretty much have to credit it and maybe it will be the push I need to get aggressive with that area of my life. I've also began asking various family members to include me in exercise activities whenever they think to.. its not easy asking for help but I know having a partner will be a huge inspiration.
I apologize for the sloppy writing style the last few posts. I've been more on quantity than quality lately. Here's to doing what is necessary in the moment and not wasting precious moments on worrying!
Dear Michelle,
ReplyDeleteThank you. We talked about this, but I read your post again and it really hit me. You mention that you "5 steps ahead", living in the future. I still have trouble with this. I worry about how my future is going to pan out, I worry about whether something will work - and then I run scenario's in my head about the possibilities, and then I use the "math" I just did to decide, ultimately, that what I want isn't going to work. And then I don't try. And I'm upset and fustrated. And then I think about how my life would be different, somehow, if I didn't have to factor in all these added medical things.
It's such a hard balance, how to be practical about what might be to come in the future, while not generating scenarios of so much fear and sadness that one never does anything. I don't know really how to manage this well. I find myself making plans with a friend on Tuesday and already inventing excuses - already thinking that this new friend I'm meeting can't really become my friend because I just am too stuff with CF things in my life to make any room for her.
I wrote a conclusion but it somehow went away : (
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