At what point did I say that CF could control me in my DREAMS too?? You know how when people see a deceased loved one in their dreams, they are always ailment-free and the dreamer tends to put a lot of weight on this fact? My gentle argument for that has always been, "well... even I myself do not have CF in my dreams.. and you would think since thats all I know, my mind would make it happen". Well apparently I'm crossing a bridge regarding this, and its kind of fascinating.
I analyze it as being a result of CF taking me over more than it used to. Sure I used to get short of breath if I walked up a big hill or took 6 flights of stairs. Sure I coughed at any episode of laughing or arguing. But at the end of the day, thats minor compared to what goes on now. And I should also mention, that what "goes on now" has being going on for a hearty year or so at least. I think my mind had to adjust to being used to it, and now its dream-incorporated. It fully sucks.
Last nights dream was about shopping in a gigantic mall with I'm-not-even-sure-who. Clearly I really DID have to pee because in the dream I was needing a washroom, and decided to split off quickly from my group to find one. I went down a familiar hallway (I mean, like, genuinely familiar to my conscious mind--I still don't know from where) and it turned out to be ALOT farther than anticipated. In the dream I speed-walked towards this distant bathroom, huffing and puffing the whole way and taking breaks. Worrying about my lost companions.
Screw you, brain. I sought comfort in the 4-8 hours of uninterupted NO CF that I used to get. Thanks.
Just to finish off, to address my initial point... In a way this new revelation of having CF in at least 50% of my dreams could mean that everyones feelings about deceased loved ones 'visiting' in dreams could be true? I don't know, and I think I prefer it that way. Anything is possible.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Ignore the contest(s)
Sorry about that contest posting. Its a big hobby of mine to enter any and all contests and for that particular one, I gained points for posting on my blog so I figured I'd sell out and do it. I've managed to win 4 since I started doing this around June so its going pretty well. Just waiting for that big one!
In other news, I'm settled into home now and feeling pretty average, which I guess is better than nothing! Kickstarting a bike routine again, as well as extra physio when I can manage it. Planning on getting a percussor to help with that one. I hope that the effort of holding the percussor to my chest early in the day is less than what it seems to be to use my flutter at that time. I'm pretty lazy and tired in the morning and using the flutter just doesn't sit well in the morning. I'm told that at my lung function doing physio just once a day won't suffice, so I'm trying to fit it in in the most seamless way.
Not really in a writing mood right now, so thats it!
In other news, I'm settled into home now and feeling pretty average, which I guess is better than nothing! Kickstarting a bike routine again, as well as extra physio when I can manage it. Planning on getting a percussor to help with that one. I hope that the effort of holding the percussor to my chest early in the day is less than what it seems to be to use my flutter at that time. I'm pretty lazy and tired in the morning and using the flutter just doesn't sit well in the morning. I'm told that at my lung function doing physio just once a day won't suffice, so I'm trying to fit it in in the most seamless way.
Not really in a writing mood right now, so thats it!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Getting out
I have no idea where I left you all and I don't have the desire to check. I have a feeling it was something about being unsure of my progress here. Well.. that turned out to be a lengthy and pointless story. I still don't feel any different from when I arrived really, however my pfts were semi-better. Semi in the sense that my first blow was up 100mL but subsequent blows were the same as clinic. I'm over it, I'll get it back another way believe me.
As for everything else, my bloodwork has barely budged but I'm getting constant cries of "its normal" from everyone from docs to nurses to whoever I want to complain to. 9.85. Yes.. normal, but when I come here it typically plummets like a rock. I have a sore throat that won't quit. It took me 5 days to succeed in getting a swab taken, but nothing grew. They considered thrush (which i didnt think it was, but was excited to try ANY remedy) but decided against treating it. I coughed up a big, thick green glob Wednesday and then asked to provide my first sputum sample of my admission because of it (they had missed asking for one upon arrival). This green globby grew... wait for it... NOTHING. "Normal respiratory flora". When my 2nd worst type of phlegm can grow the best result... I'm not sure what to base my decisions on anymore.
The phlegm thing was my last straw. The doctors wanted to send me home after 10 days, and at that point I said 'fine.. I'll go home but I want to stay the 14". At the end of the day, I do realize I came here mainly complaining of a low pft.. which was, relatively, a small drop when you look at the big picture. Large for me though, but I felt fine. I know I'm not THAT sick. I got my tune up and hopefully its enough to maintain me on the outside world for another year. Exercise will have to keep my pfts elevated for now. I have a plan to get going on that once again and we'll see how that continues.
Until hometime I'm focusing my energy on making the most of whats left. I had a masseur come in today which was a cool experience. A few CF friends have lent me their spouses as visitors and for that I'm so grateful. Theres always part of being admitted that is... admittedly.. fun!
As for everything else, my bloodwork has barely budged but I'm getting constant cries of "its normal" from everyone from docs to nurses to whoever I want to complain to. 9.85. Yes.. normal, but when I come here it typically plummets like a rock. I have a sore throat that won't quit. It took me 5 days to succeed in getting a swab taken, but nothing grew. They considered thrush (which i didnt think it was, but was excited to try ANY remedy) but decided against treating it. I coughed up a big, thick green glob Wednesday and then asked to provide my first sputum sample of my admission because of it (they had missed asking for one upon arrival). This green globby grew... wait for it... NOTHING. "Normal respiratory flora". When my 2nd worst type of phlegm can grow the best result... I'm not sure what to base my decisions on anymore.
The phlegm thing was my last straw. The doctors wanted to send me home after 10 days, and at that point I said 'fine.. I'll go home but I want to stay the 14". At the end of the day, I do realize I came here mainly complaining of a low pft.. which was, relatively, a small drop when you look at the big picture. Large for me though, but I felt fine. I know I'm not THAT sick. I got my tune up and hopefully its enough to maintain me on the outside world for another year. Exercise will have to keep my pfts elevated for now. I have a plan to get going on that once again and we'll see how that continues.
Until hometime I'm focusing my energy on making the most of whats left. I had a masseur come in today which was a cool experience. A few CF friends have lent me their spouses as visitors and for that I'm so grateful. Theres always part of being admitted that is... admittedly.. fun!
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