At what point did I say that CF could control me in my DREAMS too?? You know how when people see a deceased loved one in their dreams, they are always ailment-free and the dreamer tends to put a lot of weight on this fact? My gentle argument for that has always been, "well... even I myself do not have CF in my dreams.. and you would think since thats all I know, my mind would make it happen". Well apparently I'm crossing a bridge regarding this, and its kind of fascinating.
I analyze it as being a result of CF taking me over more than it used to. Sure I used to get short of breath if I walked up a big hill or took 6 flights of stairs. Sure I coughed at any episode of laughing or arguing. But at the end of the day, thats minor compared to what goes on now. And I should also mention, that what "goes on now" has being going on for a hearty year or so at least. I think my mind had to adjust to being used to it, and now its dream-incorporated. It fully sucks.
Last nights dream was about shopping in a gigantic mall with I'm-not-even-sure-who. Clearly I really DID have to pee because in the dream I was needing a washroom, and decided to split off quickly from my group to find one. I went down a familiar hallway (I mean, like, genuinely familiar to my conscious mind--I still don't know from where) and it turned out to be ALOT farther than anticipated. In the dream I speed-walked towards this distant bathroom, huffing and puffing the whole way and taking breaks. Worrying about my lost companions.
Screw you, brain. I sought comfort in the 4-8 hours of uninterupted NO CF that I used to get. Thanks.
Just to finish off, to address my initial point... In a way this new revelation of having CF in at least 50% of my dreams could mean that everyones feelings about deceased loved ones 'visiting' in dreams could be true? I don't know, and I think I prefer it that way. Anything is possible.
Wow that sucks, not even a break in your dreams from cf :( I had a that really weird dream a few months ago, I think I told you about it. I still dont know what to make of it.
ReplyDeleteugh, i remember when CF started coming in to my dreams.....poop michelle
ReplyDeleteWow, that's too bad, do you wear oxygen while walking in that oversized mall in your dream? Or am I running behind you trying to make you wear it?.lol? You think you could relieve yourself of CF for at least a few hours a day,well, maybe you will sleep physio or bike...lol
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work, WHILE your awake though
Love ya
Dreams are a form of our subconscious minds. CF is probably on your mind more than ever right now. I mean, an o2 tank at home would be something that you need to "adjust" too or "accept". I'm sure while your awake you think, "it is what it is" but deep down your mind thinks it's so unfair and that CF is "winning". I think those thoughts are perfectly normal.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first got Cepacia, that is all I drempt about. I had dreams where I was arguing family saying if they didn't make an effort to see me they will regret it cause I am dying...?? What kind of dreams are those? I often dreampt I was dying soon, due to Cepacia. In "real life" I didn't believe I was dying, but deep down I'm sure I feared I was.
Now that I'm "in the clear" or at least "think I am", I no longer dream of C+ or dying.
It's hard to accept when our "comfortable CF" changes and we require new treatments or regiments in order to survive. In our minds we may see this as a defeat against CF. Don't!
Try not to let this discourage you. Focus on the positives. Think to yourself "hey this could be worse" or think "I can do this" or "it's no biggie..o2, pffft bring it".
CF is bothering you right now and it's scary, I know. Your new adjustments just aren't fair, so in turn when you go to bed your subconscious mind kicks in and you think the worst. Allow your self to "grieve" (for lack of a better word) about your new CF status. Accept it and than begin to conquer it. The satisfaction of accepting where you are at, doing the best you can, is far better than allowing CF to consume you. Than once again, you beat CF!
No need to rush, take the time you need to allow you to accept this new CF state?? (again, for lack of a better explanation) Allow these dreams, don't fear them. CF didn't promise us an easy going life, we have to fight every single day.
God doesn't give us what we can't handle so love God and trust what He thinks....KNOWS you CAN handle! Make Him...and all of us proud, like you have been doing.
Chin up 'lil M. Bike those miles like it's nobody's business. Do not give into CF, fight it!!!
I love and miss you lot's and lot's and so does everyone else around you!!!!!