Looking longingly at the wagon in the distance

I fell off it. As soon as I got bad clinic news. Despite knowing I was very newly sick, on 4 hours of sleep, etc etc... down I went. I actually feel quite good today. As "tmi" as this might be, I also notice that my lungs feel about 60% worse when I'm nearing that time of the month. Anyone?

While not meaning to give you my schedule, that would put me at peak lung time for the next 2 weeks or so. I should get back to clinic while things are in my favour. And back on the wii. And back on my puffers and meds.. aye.....

I'm finding everyone elses stresses are weighing down on me lately too. Maybe because some of them do in fact, involve me. Doesn't it feel sometimes like we should be exempt from stress because of having to already deal with CF? I used to think I pretty much was. Sometimes I wish I had the power to resolve everyones issues. Sometimes I think I WOULD if I had the energy.

Best of luck with everyone else during this crazy season.

Natalia

Amongst my own reasons, Natalia (natandmarty.blogspot.com) is the main reason I started a blog. I am inspired by her journey and consider myself following in her footsteps. My marriage, yorkie(poo), and desire to have a baby seem to match perfectly. She's struggling right now in her wait, having been put on the vent just this morning, and I wish for nothing more right now than her call to come. She deserve's this chance.

I've been learning to live without you now, but I miss you sometimes

Today marks one year since I lost my dear friend Kyle to CF. It was one of those moments after which nothing could be the same. I think I've mentioned how he was the first person in my life to pass on who I felt I got close to, as well as the first CF death that had a deep effect on me. Since Nov 10, 2008, I've lost more and more friends to CF, and seen families that are broken forever because of this awful disease. I've also seen what can happen when hard times seem to crush hopes and dreams of a future with cystic fibrosis... the mentality of 'we get can through anything, as long as we support eachother and fight together' has shone through. I know our angels would be proud of how we're handling their loss.

Nothing much to report for me personally. I'm coasting and feeling a bit better than I did after making the decision to have a night out last week. Clinic was a huge disappointment, with results that are lower than those from before my hospital admission. I'm not letting it get me down so far. It's the least I can do to honour my friend today.

Not about me...

I am far from having a long list of followers, a compelling story, or even a pretty-looking blog. It makes what I wanna write about today feel silly since I don't have the readership to spread any kind of message. However, reading other people's stories is what brought me to want to write about my own, and fuels my passion to make something of my life and so here it is. Sometimes I just have to sit back and look around instead of at myself for a change.

I think most Cf'ers have at least heard about the documentary that came out months ago (at a film festival or two that I don't remember the name of) called 65 red roses. I have yet to see it, but it is apparently airing on CBC Newsworld on the 16th of this month and I'm looking forward to it. Eva Markvoort's blog is one that I only recently started glancing at thanks to another popular CF blog, CFhusband.blogspot.com. She is the star of the documentary.

It just so happens, that Eva is now experiencing chronic rejection of her so publicly-received lungs and is waiting for another pair, with little time on her side. I find this so poetic, that at such a late stage in this woman's next chapter of battles, her documentary will air to an even larger audience. Check out her blog at 65redroses.livejournal.com as she struggles with less than 20% lung function... yet again.