You know what drives me crazy? Feeling awful temporarily. It's 100x worse than feeling awful for a few days or a week because it messes with your brain.
I get this all the time. I'm scooting about my day and suddenly I feel incapacitated. I don't want to go out, eat, smile, talk, nothing. It can last anywhere from half an hour to 6 hours. When it goes away I actually forget to be grateful because I'm so stumped as to what to think or do.
Yesterday I was convinced that I finally had come to the end of the road of hope with these orals I'm on. I envisioned calling clinic, waving the white flag and kickstarting iv's a week early. I felt so bad that I could accept the idea for once. I sat at a family birthday reluctantly shovelling delicious roast beef into my mouth and not talking to anyone. I'd answer questions painfully and knew that my family probably just thought I was grumpy, not out of breath. When I do bother to explain it, I feel like a crazy person.
Then, after dinner, I dragged myself out for a walk with my dog, my sister, and her husband, hoping to meet my dogs little shih tzu buddy so that they could play (my dog is young and extremely energetic and needed this badly). At the park it was nothing but breathlessness and thoughts about giving up on the walk alltogether and getting home to lie down. Then, Bauer's buddy arrived and they played. I loved watching it, and suddenly I was great. From that point forward the chains around my chest loosened and I still feel fine today. Does this happen to anyone else? Argh. I'm more than willing to attribute lots of it to mood or whatnot, sure.. I love psychology.. but I can't believe its ALL psychosomatic...
Yes. CF plays mind games, sometimes in the morning I would phone clinic in a panic because I could hardly breath. Then by the afternoon I would be on the treadmill doing great.
ReplyDeleteIt DOES mess with your brain and sometimes we have to play a little guessing game. I think though, deep down you know when something is not quite right. Trust the people around you--we don't always notice how bad we are until people point it out to us.
And don't wait until you only have bad days, because trust me once you reach that point it is so much more difficult to get those good days/moments back.
Oh I feel like I'm there already, cysta. You and I share lung function and height..(well Im actually genuinely 5 feet tall.. so maybe you're the first person with cf i know shorter than me??? lol..sorry). Again, nice to meet you. If you want, find me on facebook, we may share some cf friends.
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