When every day is a lifechanger

Being absent in the blog world for a month or two doesn't sound like something that would require a long list of catching up. I'm learning more and more that CF is a window through which we can see that life actually DOES change very often, sometimes for the happier, sometimes not, but always to be respected and appreciated.

I wish I could recall my entire time since the last entry, but recent events shine louder and therefore thats what I can think of. This week I lost both my grandmother and a close CF friend. Mere days apart. In their own way they were both shocking, as I have never lost a grandparent, and because this particular CF friend radiated life even at her sickest. I have never felt so robotic after deaths as I have this week. I'm not sure of the cause, but I know that "growing up" can vaguely cover it. Theres something about losing people who you've actually spoke of death with (CF friend, and the CF friends I lost since 2008 did not have this talk with me, so this is new) and theres something else about losing people that are closer and closer to yourself and are immediate family who have always been there (Gramma). Both things seem to bring an eerily deep truth with them.. that we are all going to die. No one is exempt. Being 29 when this is being driven home is odd.. and yet I feel like most people are actually older, not younger than me when they come to this realization...

I'm spending today, my first with no "busy" thoughts or stuff to do this week, organizing my thoughts. Because of this, I don't have much more to say right now.. but its funny how things pop out just during the moments you think you are having a mental break from it all. I was cleaning my fish today.. I always run his new water a few days before I switch him because I know the chlorine and chemicals in tap water need this time to dissipate, also it helps with having the correct temperature ready for him. As I fought him into his little net from his very grungy bowl (due to the events of this week) I said aloud, "dont fight it, just trust that you're going to a better place" and there it was.. another metaphor for life and death. I swear I wasn't trying to think of one either, but as I lifted him in the net, forcing him to lay in pure air for a few seconds as I moved him, I felt for that little fish, and how often I force him to do the thing we have to do when we leave this world.. have a little faith and get through the transition to a better place.