Left in the Dust

I feel I'm constantly meeting new friends who are on the cusp of transplant and telling them excitedly "together we will extend our time.. we'll encourage eachother" only to find them leaving me on this side of transplant within months while I go back to standing alone. People who were much healthier than me plummet and list before me. I know I can't stay here forever, but I still feel that the traffic should not pass me as fast as it does.

At least it keeps me remembering reality though. Maybe that's the purpose it serves. Maybe also watching a load of people share their fears, and then express their happiness afterwards is meant to help me as well. As I head towards my goal-listing-time, I need all the help I can get. Something I've repeated alot in past blogs. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and that timing is everything. The timing one is tricky though, because I have to try and sit back and let my gut instinct of what I "should" do take over. I am very happy about my decision to see my neice/nephew born before I take on this journey. I'm also feeling a strong pull to get this going while the weather is nice... because it will ease the effort of driving to Toronto for physio, and also because the summer tends to leave me sicker by fall... I can't do that more than one more time before I'm in extreme serious danger.

I've pursued the anxiety "help" to the full extent now. i've been on the meds for long enough to feel their full results, and wipe out any side effects. I've found myself alot tireder, but hopefully getting out more will help that. I also think the meds are taking the edge off of my fears, which is wonderful. Unfortunately, I ran into a new anxiety snag yesterday when I discovered that having my dog on my lap while my oximeter was around my neck was a bad idea. I am now without one for at least a few days and I am realizing the full extent of how comforting it is to have it. I'll consider these few days a test of my strength.

I also saw the very busy anxiety doctor at my clinic hospital. He was super nice, but I didnt get any advice or help that I hadn't already thought up for myself. Just a suggestion to slowly increase the amount that I leave my comfort zone of home. Certainly not worth the drive to Toronto and back, but I'm happy I tried it out. I will be seeing him in clinic next time, which is much more efficient.

That's really it for now. I wish all my newly post-tx friends, and soon-to-be listed ones the best of luck and health.