Discouraged

Yesterday was my first appointment at the transplant hospital. I was eerily excited. Maybe because I have so many friends who's lives have been enriched a hundredfold by transplant, maybe because this signified my own growth mentally about the surgery, or maybe it was just because I had heard they had a starbucks. Nevertheless, despite the early start time, it was going to be a positive day.

Mike and I stayed at a hotel once again to lessen our missed hours of sleep, and to gain some enjoyment out of the experience. Thursday morning started with pfts, which were nothing like what I'm used to at my regular clinic hospital. This was maybe 5 or 6 times the tests and work. I was actually in pain after the second last test and was starting to worry that maybe I should have brought my oxygen. The tech reassured me, however wasn't so friendly so I was hardly calmed by his words. The good news was, my first blow for the FEV1 test showed a stable 0.83 litres, and after the nightmare of a cold I had, followed by two rounds of different oral drugs, I was relieved. I managed to squeeze out a 0.85 before we were done with that one.

I had an uneventful 6 minute walk (desatting to 83--DEF shouldve brought the o2) and then was off to the 12th floor to meet a doctor for ... well I wasn't really sure what it was, I just knew it was our initial informative introductory meeting. My parents drove up for this part too. We discussed my medical history, my "hobbies" (none--perhaps I should have 'sold' myself here), questions we had, and watched a slideshow of transplant facts as well. At the end of this meeting, the doctor tells me that we will not be going any further with the assessment, as not only am i "early" to be assessed (as is typical--he mentions) but I am "early for early". Riiiiiiiight. I snapped. I was so upset and frustrated and started to let it out as cooly as I could manage. I told him how I have been doing assessment testing leading up to this meeting such as a CT sinus and an ultrasound. Mike took a day off for that. I asked why my clinic doctors could not make the decision he made after all of this effort, when all of the information he gathered, they already knew?

I truly believe this comes down to the fact that I switched my meeting. I was supposed to do it next week, with a different doctor. It was supposed to be a bridge doctor who works both at my clinic hospital AND the transplant hospital, and has met me several times over the years. SHE wouldn't have found anything I said suprising, and I can't imagine her turning me away after knowing full-well she could have saved me the trouble all together at my clinic. I have so many words for these doctors, and could not be more frustrated with my life right now.