Resigning myself

Day before clinic emotions once again.

I'm feeling like I have to just sit back and take what comes to me tomorrow. I just finished the whole month since last clinic doing everything I could to avoid the shortness of breath issues that came before. I think I succeeded, and I can only attribute it to everything I tried, and therefore I've found myself a new monthly routine.

May has brought the end of my family/friend/inlaw weddings in the foreseeable future, and I'm happy with that. Not that I don't enjoy weddings. I do, but in the past 4 years I've gone from craving the experience of 'another' one to hoping I have a good 2 to 3 to 5 years before the next one. Last count was something like 10 or 11 weddings since Mike and I have been together (4 years), and I think thats enough.

May also brought a sudden, non-CF, non-family death that shook me more than I would have expected. A fellow dog-walker we see on my parents street passed suddenly at the age of 58. One of those people who lights up a hard day with light teasing and jokes. I'm going to miss him.

All of these things have brought me to a tired, sore, laid-back, need-a-refresh-of-some-kind version of myself. I am approaching clinic tomorrow with a calm indifference (at least so far) and wouldnt not be at all suprised if I am headed for an admission. I feel more worn than anything else. If I didn't need to expel mucus every 2-4 hours I think I could sleep for a day, not to combat tiredness, but my sore body..

Off to spend the day pampering myself..