If I were a boy

Suprise suprise... my short of breath symptoms relate most likely to.... *drumroll* Pre-menstrual symptoms!

The worst of it disappeared mysteriously this morning and I instantly knew what was going on. Technically, I guess this is cause to celebrate. No big disaster of an infection, and most likely minimal damage. I SO wish I was a guy sometimes. CF men have it made. Beyond the whole bloating/draining cycle that interferes with breathing, they have easier chest physio access, a non-sexual zone to operate on during transplant (and deal with afterward), no loss-of-procreation-abilities due to worsening lung function (granted: they DO face this fact, just not so progressively and unexpectedly), and apparently they live longer!

I wouldn't be suprised if hormones were the reason behind that last statistic. Ever since my lung function has crossed some sort of 30% Fev1 zone, this cycle of monthly sick lungs feels like it has the potential to make things even worse at any given time. Shortness of breath and loss of energy lead to not being able to move my mucus and that leads to potential infections and inflammation that can permanently damage the old airbags even more.

It's like 3 weeks of the month, CF is a guy (or girl, I suppose) running across the road. Always in danger, but if he takes the proper precautions like looking both ways (AKA physio, exercise, etc) he'll probably make it this time. During week 4, that guy gets a blindfold. Or better yet, if someone around me is sick, the guy is blindfolded and has 10 beers in him! He doesn't stand a chance!

I used to wish I could have good lungs again for a day, just to remember what it was like. In the interest of not depressing myself I'll settle for feeling what it would be like to be a guy with CF for one day. Sure, I'd be the shortest, skinniest little weiny of a guy, but whats vanity when you've got an extra couple of years? Hmm... maybe I DO like my female self.