July is here

Hi folks.

Nothing much new here. I'm the same, which is more than I can say for a boatload of my friends. PErhaps why the urge to blog comes ever-so-slightly, I write half of one, then don't post (also blame firefox for being the only browser that WILL post.. and I'm an IE fan.. you do the math).

This past month has been busy-er-ish. Lots to do. Birthday's, showers (baby for 2011, not bridal), golf for hubby (more time alone for me: totally fine), nicer weather/invites for BBQ's (I'll admit, going out in general no longer thrills me... bad Michelle).. etc.

This month saw two clinic appts, one at my regular clinic which produced magical fake higher lung function results. I still don't believe it was any more than a machine glitch, but it sure was nice to stay iv-free for longer. Total fate, I swear. I keep saying that I'm confident that I am health-safe till after my sister has her baby. I believe its fate for me to be completely stable until then.. and here we are in July, now, at last.

I also revisited my transplant hospital since it has been 6 whole months since my transplant assessment. I saw doctor quiet-voice for the first time since a year ago when he turned me away saying I was too early for transplant. Ironic, since I've gone from angry at him, to almost being super grateful for him as I implore the universe to let me see my bloodrelated neice/nephew come into this world before re-entering hell. He told me this week that he will "see me in 6 months" and that he is completely content with me waiting to list (even though I was told in Feb that it was time). Dr quiet-voice doesn't really have my confidence.. I think those of us who decline the slowest are the most in danger of missing the boat for transplant, even though that may sound counter-intuitive.

23 days until my sister is due with her baby and I can revel in possibly the only child I will ever know to have genes of my own. Of course, I look forward to more than that. I am eager to see my whole family excited. For my sister and her husband to experience the wonder of parenthood.. the blessing of it.. and for my parents to be the excited/fun-loving/spoiling/etc grandparents they were destined to be. If I could only also see my husband be the father he is destined to be, I am pretty sure not getting to be a mom would almost be okay in my life. I will have 3 gorgeous children to watch grow and who's lives I can impact, and I feel blessed for even that.

Here's to July, and focusing on the crazy-exciting and letting the scary decisions rest for just a little bit longer.